Time and time again, I’ve found myself lost in the depths of intense mothering of young children that has swallowed me whole – to the extent that I no longer know who I am or what I want.
At those moments, my spirit calls up from the well, gasping for air.
I have reached this point at various moments over the course of these last nearly 10 years of being a mother. I feel like I am drowning in the thanklessness of domesticity – the endless cycle of laundry, cooking, washing-up and wiping kids’ bums.
Frustration, anger, tears and grief surge up at these moments, indicating that my life is out of balance; calling me to account to reclaim myself, my identity, creativity and fulfilment.
Usually I hit a low, a state of depression, exasperation or stuckness that acts as an alarm call to my inner spirit to fight its way through the quagmire of other people’s needs.
The solution for resolution and forward movement is usually simple, although not always easily achieved. To carve out time and space for myself – just for me, to be, to listen to my own needs and allow space for inspiration to resurge.
Not just an hour or two here of there, but a commitment to a regular slot in my weekly rhythm that is dedicated to my creative practice and other projects that I am developing.
It is vital for me, as a woman, partner and mother to do this, to reconnect with my own purpose and creativity and in doing so, rebirth myself again and again.
My children need to see me doing it: living my inner life, sharing my gifts, dwelling in the richness of my own soul – not just surviving as an unfulfilled shadow of myself, a shell of a woman who has sacrificed her own loves for them.
If you are a mother, have you experienced cycling through these difficult phases, in which you feel lost in your role of mother, needing to reclaim and revive your own identity?
How do you move through such phases?